So you have been on many dates and in and out of relationships as often as you change your socks, but just can’t find the right guy. Are your friends telling you that you are too picky or do you feel that you are just unlucky in love? There isn’t a perfect guy out there, or woman for that matter, but we just have to start paying closer attention to what comes our way. You may have an idea who your Mr. Right is, but how do you get them to notice you and keep them interested? MSN Life & Style gives you a push in the right direction.
Be prepared
It can be an extremely frustrating time trying to find the right guy for you, so make things easier on yourself and be prepared. Know what the qualities you are looking for in a guy. You may find it easier to write down the key things that you are looking for and the values and morals that you know will match yours.
Ask yourself what kind of man defines "Mr. Right", but you may find that after going on a few dates, your definition will change when you start crossing some qualities out or adding more in. If you find that you have a list the length of your arm, then you may have a bit of soul searching to do.
You should also make sure that you are prepared emotionally and mentally to meet new people and accept that you may actually fall in love. Some people may be on the rebound, dating for fun or looking for an escape route (so date wisely!).
Samantha*, a graduate, tells us that she dated a couple of guys who weren’t ready for a relationship after dating for a while. She found it upsetting as she thought there was hope in the relationships and her feelings were getting stronger. She tells us: “I encountered a couple of guys who, a little while into the relationship, suddenly announce that they are not ready or that it is all too soon.”
Lose the baggage
“Before you get into a relationship, it is best that you lose or handle all the extra baggage that you have, which you may have pile on from past relationships, family issues or general mini life crisis,” says Rohannah*, a former counsellor.
She explains that this will ensure that you’re focused on finding the right guy and not someone who is sympathetic towards ‘your baggage’.
It will also ensure that when you do begin to date someone, you will focus all your attention on them and work out whether they are right for you without your judgment being overshadow by other issues. It is always best to sort these things and problems out rather than ignore them because they can come back and interfere with things.
Michael Myerscough, Professional Relationship Coach and the Date Doctor for Speeddater, the world's largest speed dating company, tells his patients and clients that "failed relationships are like a bullet wound. They make a small neat hole on the way in, but a massive mess on the way out.”
So make sure that you deal with all your issues and move on from the past as this is important to being happy and having the right frame of mind.
Appearance
Appearance and first impressions are everything. Therefore, it is important that you look appealing and are in good health. It can’t be that hard to make an effort in your appearance and to look good on a daily basis, yes?
Jennifer Cederquist is a professional dating consultant and has worked in the dating industry for the past 21 years, advises singles that “men always notice a woman who takes pride in her appearance” and that by “making the necessary adjustments in behaviour and appearance; before long, you will notice an amazing and positive change in your social life!”
This will also make you feel good about yourself and appearance. In a nutshell, you will come across more confident and radiant, which will boost your self-esteem.
Be yourself at all times
Many people make the mistake and mask their true self with a false ‘identity’. It could be down to nerves when meeting someone that you like or it may be something to do with insecurities that a person has. Whatever the reason, when someone does this, they cover up the unique qualities they have.
Donna Barnes, a life and dating coach and owner of NY Dating Coach, explains that: “The first thing is to really just be yourself. A lot of people, when they like somebody, they get nervous around them and they start to show off a little bit.”
People look for others who are different and unique from the rest of the crowd, so pretending to be someone you're not, is not the best thing to do. So don't be ashamed of who you are or what you might think is a flaw or an insecurity. Another person may find that it is personable to you and see that it makes you who you are (and love that about you!). So when the next guy that comes and talks to you, be yourself, and you'd see the result.
Be cute and sexy, but not annoying
One of worst thing that a girl can do is to go over the top with the cutesy behaviour. Some things can be cute and sexy, but other things that women can do could really be annoying, so make sure that you keep an eye on his reactions.
“You don’t have to call us fifty times a day to let us know you are thinking of us,” says Charles* from Singapore. “Once is just fine; so give us some space to work out how we really feel about you.”
Ouch!
If you are anxious to commit before a man has even thought about the idea of taking the relationship further, he may believe you to be "desperate" and therefore avoid you like the plague. Also, make sure that you keep your emotions in check; physical magnetism is a great force but it can also blur your judgment. Think of the film 'How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days' and stay clear from being overbearing.
Playing games
Be careful with mind games. Oh, yes. Many people find that it can be fun and flirty but others can’t stand mind games at all, especially when they are supposed to be fun but end up being slightly hurtful. People also like to know where they stand. A man who catches on that a woman is using him to satisfy her own ego will more than likely turn a potential romantic relationship into a disaster.
Playing hard to get can also backfire so tread carefully here. You don’t want to make yourself available to them every minute of the day, or to cancel things so that you can go on a date whenever the call, but you don’t want to be hard to pin down and vague at the same time.
J.M Kearns, who has a Ph.D. in philosophy and is author of 'Why Mr. Right Can't Find You', says that: “Finding a mate should be treated as a serious challenge, deserving of a serious, sustained effort.”
By playing too hard to get, it is one of those things that is elusive and something a guy will eventually just give up on. If you are into the man, then be clear about whom you are and what you want, but be authentic and don't push for a relationship too soon.
Follow your intuition
Don’t be that person who rescues every wounded heart in the hope that they will become attached to you. This isn’t the right way to go about things! There isn’t much point picking someone up who has the weight of the world on their shoulders. You will also find out the hard way that you can’t fix every man.
Regard yourself as someone worthy to get a man who is mentally and morally healthy, productive and has some likeness of constancy. If he's not worth it, don't give it a try - always follow your intuition as deep down, your gut will tell you whether it is right to pursue or not.
-article courtesy of MSN-
